How to connect with your teen – authentically

It feels like there are a lot of tips to help you prepare for taking care of a newborn – but those newborns grow up and they turn into teenagers. It’s a different ballgame to try to connect with your teen as they are finding their own interests, likes and dislikes. If you’re looking for ways to connect with your teen but want to keep it genuine, while still respecting their boundaries and budding independence, we’ve got you covered with these 5 tips. 

Prefer to listen? Check out our podcast on this topic here, or wherever you listen to podcasts.  

Remember it’s normal to seek independence 

If your teen prefers to keep to themselves or talk to their friends more than you, don’t take it personally. Seeking independence is a totally normal part of adolescent development. However, keep the lines of communication open to continue a healthy relationship with your teen. At this age, they’re going through a lot of change, so it’s important to be compassionate and let them know you’re there for them. That being said – this is not a free pass for disrespect or rule-breaking. It’s important to pick your battles while still staying firm to parental rules. 

Recognize the right time to talk 

As parents, we oftentimes are excited to see our teen the moment they walk in from school or practice. But, immediately peppering them with “How was your day? What did you do? Who were you with?” may result in them withdrawing if it’s not the right time. Try to keep the questions to a minimum, especially if you sense they’re not wanting to talk right then. It’s also important to trust any gut instincts. You know your child best, so if you feel like you’re hitting a wall, it’s okay to try to dig deeper if you sense there could be something going on in your child’s life. 

Set and respect boundaries 

When setting boundaries, it’s important they are communicated – and enforced. If you haven’t stuck to boundaries like curfews, screen time, etc., in the past, it can be difficult if you try to enforce them suddenly. Have an open conversation with your teen about expectations. Also, it’s critical to make sure you are following the boundaries. If a rule is that the family is together for dinner with phones down – the parents must adhere to that as well.  

Meet them at their level 

If you see something your child is interested in – join them! It can be hard to know what they enjoy doing, so if you see it, jump in. Maybe they’re playing a video game…ask if you can play with them, and learn the rules. Do they enjoy frisbee golf, but you have no experience? Ask questions, read up on it and play with them! It’s okay to get out of your comfort zone. Even if you feel silly, it can be a fun experience and it will make a mark on your teen that you’re trying, and care about what they care about. You can also push your teen out of their comfort zone a bit. If they’re a little closed off, maybe taking them to the park to have lunch, no phone, might be just the push they needed to connect. 

Never give up 

Sometimes – teens are just going to be teens. They may brush you off or seem disinterested, but knowing you’re always there will have an impact on them for years to come.  The best thing parents can do is just be there – and eventually, your teen will come around.